Benefits Of Being Male

• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• Movie nudity is virtually always female.
• A 7 day holiday requires only one suitcase.
• You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Hairdressers don't rob you blind.
• Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
• All your orgasms are real.
• You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
• You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
• Your last name stays put.
• You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
• When your work is criticised, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• You see the humour in Terms of Endearment.
• Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
• You never have to clean the toilet.
• You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
• Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Your underwear is £10 for a three pack.
• None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
• You don't have to shave below your neck.
• You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
• If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
• You can write your name in the snow.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
• Flowers fix everything.
• You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
• You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
• You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
• Three pair of shoes is more than enough.
• You can eat a banana in a store.
• You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
• Foreplay is optional.
• Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
• You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
• You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
• You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
• The world is your urinal.
• You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
• Hot wax never comes near you pubic area.
• One mood, all the time.
• You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
• You never have to drive to another petrol station because this one's just too grungy.
• You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
• Same work....more pay.
• Grey hair and wrinkles add character.
• You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
• Wedding Dress £2000; Tux rental £100.
• You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
• With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
• You don't mooch off others' desserts.
• If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
• The remote control is yours and yours alone.
• People never glance at your chest when your talking to them.
• You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
• You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
• You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
• If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell you friends you've changed.
• Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
• You can rationalise any behaviour with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"
• If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because your not in the mood.
• If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
• You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
• Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.

Rules which Males should know

Don't ever lie to us, we always find out.

We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.

Don't say you understand when you don't.

Girls are petty, get over it.

You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.

Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.

If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't.

Size does matter.

We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big; we like it when you are Mr.Big

A system in your car only impresses other boys.

It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.

If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.

Be spontaneous, dinner and a movie won't always cut it.

We are self-conscious by nature, we can't help it.

We are drama queens.

Fashion police do exist.

Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it.

We absolutely do not care about trucks, computer games or anything else you and your friends talk about;

Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.

We don't shave our legs every day, get over it.

Shave- no matter how cool you think it looks, we hate it.

Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emitt other strange gases from your body, it's not.

Don't compare our breasts with Pamela Anderson's, hers are fake.

We are beautiful, but make-up helps.

We will always think we are fat so humor us and tell us we aren't.

Most importantly- we are always right- so don't forget it.